Letting Myself Be Deceived

My "dreams" were just shattered by my father's words.

I have recently dreamt of my own flat in the City and a nice new economy car I can replace for my current 9 year old one, with the hope of actually being able to get one, based on my father's words: "I'll give it to you as advanced inheritance." Well, it was just a casual conversation which I took quite seriously since I trust my father a lot. I knew him as someone who says one thing and will live by it. Since I was blinded by thought of actually having the chance of owning my "dreams," I took his words literally. I had let myself be deceived.

My dad, who holds a CPA, asked for my financial statement (like a summary of my monthly income and expenses). I didn't know what for, but I saw it as a "requirement" for getting the condo of my dreams. He reviewed my FS, and after a week or so, he now talks to me about it telling me, "I think you are living beyond your expenses. I think if you want to get that condo, you need a better job, a more stable job that will earn you an income enough to pay for both the condo and the car." I was open to what he said. Regarding my living beyond my expenses, I somehow didn't react surprised - maybe because I know that I am living beyond my expenses (not that my expenses are more than my income, heck no). As for finding a better job to accommodate my luxuries, I wasn't quite open. I am not for the corporate world. I don't really see myself working for the money. I don't see myself working from 8am to 5pm, Monday to Friday, in the same office, doing the same thing. Honestly, I don't have the discipline for such a job. I like movement, dynamism, but not activism.

So I tried to clarify his words during our "casual conversation" regarding the "inheritance." Well, now that it is clarified, it really isn't about shelling out the whole cash for me without my paying back. What he actually meant was that he was willing to finance it for me. So much for an inheritance. [Is that what I'll expect for my actual inheritance?]

After that quick conversation, my spirits were down. I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I just avoided his gaze and anymore possible conversation that may worsen the issue.

Fairly enough, I learned my lesson. It truly was a humbling experience. I am posting this experience here as a way to combat my pride. Pride does not do us any good. And I don't want it to harm my relationship with my father, who I owe a lot. This is my way of swallowing and stepping on my pride. Besides, why am I trying to seek happiness where I cannot find it?

What about you? Do you make the effort to step on yours?