Confession

Humbling. Very humbling. The priest made me cry inside and almost shed a tear. I was glad that he humbled me because humbling myself is not enough.

I told him everything wrong I did with regard to my uncharitable dealings with my colleagues, and he scolded me. As I tried to defend myself, he would put me down. He shook me with realities that I have to face. He made me see the hypocrite inside me and that made me cry.

That was really an awakening moment. I didn't know what gave me the strength to make a public apology last night, but now I know who did: Our Lady. It's the 3rd day of the novena to the Immaculate Conception. I'm very convinced that as always, she is there for me to counsel me and at the same time pour onto me abounding grace to help me carry out what she counsels. She truly is the Mother of Good Counsel, and Mediatrix of Grace.

I hope I can sustain this consciousness of her presence so I can live through life peacefully and cheerfully.

My Public Apology

I just came out from a personal crisis of sorts when all the bad things just flashed before me that I suddenly felt my conscience bug me to apologize for all the wrong I've done. What follows is my public apology email I sent to all my colleagues:

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Perhaps some - if not all - will find what I am about to do foolish, stupid, insane, unnecessary, or inevitable. No matter what you think, I will do as what my conscience - yes, I do have one, and I believe that everybody does - dictates.

Through this email, I would like to apologize to all my colleagues whom I have hurt (I do have some inkling of who these people are, but I will keep it to myself) because of my lack of tact, my being imposing, and simply for my whole being:

I AM DEEPLY SORRY FOR ALL I HAVE DONE.

I know I am not a dollar bill that everybody would like, but I do want to achieve a certain level of civility and charity with my colleagues because, as what I tell my non-Lasallian friends, "I love it there in DLS-C because I have great colleagues." Of course, I cannot achieve the latter if I were uncharitable myself. This is precisely why I am making this apology. I am making this public because I am aware and very guilt-ridden of the fact that I have publicly hurt people, and also of the fact that stories about my misbehavior may have already run from the third floor to the basement, from West to East. In effect, everybody may already be aware of what I have done. (Pardon me here for an apparent case of paranoia.)

AGAIN, I AM SORRY.

I understand if you can't forgive me because I understand also the gravity of my actions, words, and being, and they may be unforgivable. I deserve such treatment.

I know that apologies are useless if there were no resolutions on the part of the penitent. So I also would like to assure you guys that I will try my best to be a good and charitable colleague. Let me know if I have been treating you badly.

Thanks for letting me do this. I hope things will be better after this. Advance Merry Christmas.

Sincerely,
Trish C.

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Para presumir, hay que sufrir.