Read This.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd
waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of
the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht
oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny
iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses
and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs
is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought
slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!!!

Well, I don't know what you think about this, but I think it's kinda cool but also stupid. Don't be fooled by the above because it only used common words we are so familiar with. People who read words and not see the order of the letters, learned to read from children's story books taught by non-teaching adults. We don't read letters, true, but we produce the sound of the letters. If we learn to read words, we will have a hard time learning a new language because doing so require that we learn to read the sounds of the letters and learn to pronounce them. For those who speak English as their second language, they can easily read the above paragraph with no problem at all, but at the same time, pronounce words we may encounter for the first time.

Age Test

You Are 26 Years Old

26 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I got the link for this test and I thought I'd take it since I always think that I act older than my real age. I thought it will really come out something like 30+ but to my surprise, the quiz judged me to act just a year younger than I really am! Imagine that, I actually act younger than mmy age! Well, i think it is pretty consoling to know this little detail though I know I shouldn't take these tests too seriously for it has pretty vague descriptions. ;P It's fun though.

Ultimatum.

I don't know if this the bright side of things, but my father gave me an ultimatum of sorts.

Remember that "casual conversation" we had? Well, he also gave me an ultimatum. Maybe not so much as an ultimatum, but an "incentive." He told me that I can get more "benefits" and "inheritances" if I get married by June 30, 2005.

Uh-huh. You read that right. Now, how many fathers would have actually told their daughters these words or similar words? Maybe, just one. Mine. I don't know if I should rejoice or not. Definitely, I won't marry by June 30 this year. First of all, I don't have a boyfriend. Suitors? None even. I can probably find a boyfriend, spend a whole day with him to get to know him, decide if I should marry him within a month. Ii get engage, say March. Wedding preparations can be done in three months (like my sister's). Hmmm. Not bad if suddenly I meet my soul mate tomorrow. Naturally, it won't happen this quick. So I guess, my dad's "hopes" for my inheritances are really nihil. Non-existent. So why bother for that inheritance? Ah, and one more thing he said - he's attaching incentives to everything that cannot be planned - he'll give more inheritance for every child borne from his children (that's my sister and me). I'd believe this one. Sounds more realistic.

Getting married is not just a matter of incentive. It is not just a task that you have to do for the heck of an incentive. It is beyond incentives and rewards and inheritances. It requires waiting. What if I don't get married? So I won't get any inheritance? Well, I don't mind. That's the consequence of not getting married.

Hmmmm... Maybe my dad is pressuring me to get married quick by making it seem difficult for me to fulfill my dreams being alone. He probably wanted me to conclude that I just simply get married... He has to understand though that it is not that I don't want to get married. They are just not coming. Maybe marriage is really not for me. Anyway, let's just wait and see.

One thing's for sure, I won't marry for the heck of incentive. If I have to live it out in the province and drive a rusty car, I will.

Letting Myself Be Deceived

My "dreams" were just shattered by my father's words.

I have recently dreamt of my own flat in the City and a nice new economy car I can replace for my current 9 year old one, with the hope of actually being able to get one, based on my father's words: "I'll give it to you as advanced inheritance." Well, it was just a casual conversation which I took quite seriously since I trust my father a lot. I knew him as someone who says one thing and will live by it. Since I was blinded by thought of actually having the chance of owning my "dreams," I took his words literally. I had let myself be deceived.

My dad, who holds a CPA, asked for my financial statement (like a summary of my monthly income and expenses). I didn't know what for, but I saw it as a "requirement" for getting the condo of my dreams. He reviewed my FS, and after a week or so, he now talks to me about it telling me, "I think you are living beyond your expenses. I think if you want to get that condo, you need a better job, a more stable job that will earn you an income enough to pay for both the condo and the car." I was open to what he said. Regarding my living beyond my expenses, I somehow didn't react surprised - maybe because I know that I am living beyond my expenses (not that my expenses are more than my income, heck no). As for finding a better job to accommodate my luxuries, I wasn't quite open. I am not for the corporate world. I don't really see myself working for the money. I don't see myself working from 8am to 5pm, Monday to Friday, in the same office, doing the same thing. Honestly, I don't have the discipline for such a job. I like movement, dynamism, but not activism.

So I tried to clarify his words during our "casual conversation" regarding the "inheritance." Well, now that it is clarified, it really isn't about shelling out the whole cash for me without my paying back. What he actually meant was that he was willing to finance it for me. So much for an inheritance. [Is that what I'll expect for my actual inheritance?]

After that quick conversation, my spirits were down. I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I just avoided his gaze and anymore possible conversation that may worsen the issue.

Fairly enough, I learned my lesson. It truly was a humbling experience. I am posting this experience here as a way to combat my pride. Pride does not do us any good. And I don't want it to harm my relationship with my father, who I owe a lot. This is my way of swallowing and stepping on my pride. Besides, why am I trying to seek happiness where I cannot find it?

What about you? Do you make the effort to step on yours?

C. S. Lewis on Friendship.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that gives value to survival."

Again and again, I almost lost the same friend. I have become too independent minded as to reach this point of thinking that I can live on my own without having a real friend. It has only caused me loneliness. I almost lost her.

"He who has found a friend, has found a treasure." I have found a treasure in her only when I almost lost her. Does it always have to happen that we only realize the value of a treasure when it is already gone? Well, I think it just had to happen to me. Although I am happy that I had not exactly lost her. She is so patient with me. She gave me countless chances to reconcile with her. I don't mind you guys interpreting this as something else. Maybe you just have not found a real friend.

Anyway, I am resolved to keep this treasure from now own. I won't let something like this to happen again. It took me many days of tears before I could muster some courage to tell her that I wanted to keep her as a friend no matter what. I was an ingrat, an ungrateful fool, who'd let a treasure slip by my hands so easily. Thank God, I arrived at a conclusion that she truly is a treasure. I am glad that I have a friend who will sacrifice to do me favors. I am glad that I have a friend who will give me a great eulogy when I die. I am glad that I have a friend who will pray the rosary beside my death bed and call for a priest to give the last sacraments. I am glad that I have a friend who'll do anything to cheer me up. I am glad that I have friend who will free up some of her time to listen to my woes. I am glad that I have friend who I know will visit me in the "basement" if I suddenly go insane. I am glad that I have a friend who has a family who treats me like I am one of their daughters. I am glad that I have a friend who will point to me the things that I am doing wrong. I am glad to have a friend who I know is a real treasure.

What about you, have you found a treasure like I have found mine?

Food for Thought 2.

"Man invented time just to be enslaved by it."

Are we always running after time? Or is time running after us. Just a reminder: We created time, the clocks, the watches, not to be enslaved by them, but to help us manage our time.

So will you still run after time?

Food for Thought 1.

"We only have one life to live."

I will live my life to the fullest. I will enjoy all my weekends and visit all the bars in Greenbelt. Life is too short, I better make the best of it. I will eat at all the fancy restaurants I can eat in.

Are you going to live your life as if there were no hell? If you do, just remember that there is no second life to speak of. Don't say you were never told.

Homosexuality.

Okay guys. Let me get this straight.

I'm sure we all have friends who call themselves "bading". Actually, they admit that they are not straight. "Ayoko ko ngang maging straight." Admitting so, they agree that they are somewhat "distorted" or "curved" - not straight. They know that they are in the wrong but willfully remain in the wrong.

There are some who have "come out" but still want to pray or to praise God. How can they praise God fully when their bodies don't glorify God? How do our bodies praise God? By taking care of it and using them according to how God had designed them. God had made man and woman, and no man-slash-woman.

So how should a good Christian, a Catholic, deal with these people? Definitely, we won't be helping them with tolerance. It will just give them the impression that they are accepted by society, that their way of behaving is the norm. A good Catholic will not fear being with people with a distorted view of their gender. A good Catholic would be good friends with a homosexual. He/She will try to understand this new found friend and try to help him/her to live and behave according to how God had really created them.

They need the help of good Catholics. We cannot be homophobics. Who else will help them, but us.

I don't have the time and space to explain my point but you might want to visit the EWTN Library for a series of articles that discuss the problem thoroughly. I can be only available for questions after you've read the articles there. I also have a link on my side bar for a support group for homosexuals. They have good testimonies of homosexuals who have gone straight but not necessarily heterosexual.

Enjoy the read.

Like a Roller Coaster Ride. An Excerpt.

I'm sorry that our friendship has gone through a lot of trials, and most of the time, and I have to admit, I always seem to be the one to trigger these episodes. Like what I've said before, it has gone through an endless roller coaster ride that can give us a really twisted stomach and that makes us puke. It has been pretty smooth in the beginning of the ride until the loops have come. If we liken our friendship to a roller coaster ride, I would love to think that our episodes will also end smoothly and with a sense of satisfaction that we've braved through the "loops".

But our roller coaster has gotten stuck once in while as it passes through the "loops". It wasn't a smooth ride through the loops when things could have just simply been treated with a quick "this-will-end-soon". I thought I was trying to just face the "loops" by dismissing issues this way because I wanted it to end already, but maybe that even made the situation worse because you don't think the same way as I do. We probably both have handled the "loops" quite badly that we had made the diameter bigger.

I don't know. This is how I imagined it. Of course, I am not surprised if you imagined it differently. Two people ride the roller coaster, and may have different feelings about it. One may be enjoying the adventure, the other may be cursing all throughout. But both experience the same physical effects of gravity and inertia.

There you go. A common ground.

The Check-Up

So you guys maybe are interested in what happened to my check-up.

One thing's for sure, it's not hyperacidity. What is it? It's what you call Irritable Bowel Syndrome. It's the over reaction or non-reaction of your large intestines which give you the pains, the diarrhea or the constipation. Cause? Stress. This is a common stress reaction in your body. When we are stressed, our organs are affected. It can be our brains (we get tension headaches), our tummy (we get hyperacidity), or our large intestines like in my case.

Stress is good for us, but we just need so much to make us do what we're supposed to do. If it's too much, we get these unexplained sicknesses. As soon as we are aware of our condition, maybe we have to look again at our load and see if we are overloaded with work and need to give up some tasks. Or perhaps let's see how we make use of our time so that we don't cram our deadlines which can be a lot of pressure too.

Take care of your health, guys.

Like a Student Again.

I just came from a Philosophy class.

"What? You're back in school? You never told me anything about going back to school." No, I'm not back in school. This Philosophy course is organized by El Cielito Foundation for "selected" people. Of course, since I work for it, I am privileged enough to be invited.

Man! What an amazing course! I have always been a philo junkie but since I stopped going to school, I stopped attending philo classes too. But with this opportunity - boy! - what a privilege! It's just our first session this evening and it was already super enlightening. Funny how things coincide, but for this class, we talked about TIME, and the concept of time, and with it, the idea of DEATH. See the coincidence of my just going to a wake, talking about death, and now here comes a class that talks about the idea of death.

We talked about a lot of things during the class that I'd like to share with you, but let me focus on death. Death is a mystery. In the same way that our "birth" which should not be the time we came out of our mother's womb but the time the sperm cell and egg cell met, is a mystery (since we cannot pinpoint exactly the time and day we were conceived), death is also a mystery. [The life and death of the person, being a mystery, makes the person a mystery in itself.] How a person dies is a mystery to us all. People ask God for reasons why He took this person's life away so soon and without warning. Isn't it also mysterious that we ask people "who" died and not whose body died. Persons, together with their bodies die. At the same time, though, DEATH is a reality. Being a reality, we have to accept death. If you want to be happy when you die, you must learn to accept death. One thing our professor told us is, acceptance of death requires the full freedom of the person. Realistically speaking, too, death is not that easy to accept. She said that if we want to learn to accept death, we have to think of death at least once a day. Not too long that we only think of our death. We have to practice accepting death day by day.

We are doing the wrong thing when we always brush aside the talk of death. In effect, we are denying the reality of death as if we can deny any other reality like the law of gravity. She also read to us a paragraph explaining to us how much media hide the reality of death for us. They present shows as if death does not exist. Cosmetic manufacturers come up with all sort to cover the lines of our aging. (We even put make-up to our dead as if to make them look alive.) We have bars and night clubs to go to every night as if there is no death. Media projects to us a very distorted view of what death is all about. Thinking about death re-directs our lives towards the real MEANING of our lives. This is also what she was also talking to us about.

The meaning of our lives depends on how we live the past, the present and the future. Briefly, we live the past by remembering the past and learning from it. We live the present by paying attention to each present moment and not getting distracted about the future nor sulking in the past. We live the future, by hoping for something that we want to have or happen. Now, the basis of this hope is crucial because hope is genuine when it is based on the amount of time we give in order to achieve what we hope for, and the action that we commit in order to achieve what we hope for.

Yikes. I have to stop, otherwise, this will be a long lecture. I'll give you more tomorrow. But at least I already gave you some bit on death and meaning of life. Want to have meaning in your life? Ask me. Maybe I can help. :-)

A Wake.

Funny how you call them "wakes" when the dead is actually sleeping.

Anyway, I just came from the wake of my friend's mom. Since I'm "educated" (due to frequent visits to them) in going to wakes, I thought I could survive the visit alone. I did survive it.

So what's to blog about?

Visiting wakes always reminds me of my own impending death. "Tricia, don't talk like that." I can hear you probably say it. Ah! But remember that we are all waiting for our own impending deaths, and are you prepared for it? I love going to wakes for this reason. It makes me talk to God about how I'm living my life, and think about where I'll go after my journey here on earth. It makes me sorry to Him for all the things that I have offended Him because I know that if I am sinful, I won't have a happy afterlife. Going to wakes makes me re-direct my life to where it's supposed to be headed. "From dust I have made you, and to dust you shall return." Yup, our bodies will disintegrate but definitely not our souls (Now don't question me about existence of souls. Poor you if you don't believe you have one. Anyway, you still have a soul whether you believe that you have one or not.). We have souls, and what happens to our souls when our bodies disintegrate? Since our souls were given to us by God, God takes hold of it and decides whether to put it in trash (hell) or to keep them in his sight (heaven).

Yes, my friends, we will all die. So how are we living our lives so that we don't suffer in hell? Are we living our lives as if there were no hell? I'm sad for you. Better consider Paschal's wager. What is it? Ask me. In this way, we can start a more interesting conversation.

We should love visiting wakes. It should help us remember about the truths that we once in a while deny. Visiting wakes, if it ever has an effect on us, should make us reflect on our lives more. It's not a joke or a game to live our lives. We might be enjoying our "short" life here on earth, but we may be suffering in hell for eternity. What's 70 or 80 years of life here on earth struggling to be a good Catholic compared to eternity in heaven? Have you ever thought about this?

So it's getting more frequent..

Let me update you with my funny tummies. It's more frequent now. After I eat, my tummy acts up and growls, and a curl for a 15 second pain. Then I go back to normal. That was in the early stages of my FTs. Today, maybe it's on its 4th day, it's not just 3 times a day anymore. My FTs act up almost like every 2 hours.

I complained about it in front of my mom and she scolded me. Yes, I'm 20++ and I'm still being scolded by my mom. Why not? At least I know she's still concerned with me. She scared me though. She thinks it's not just your plain old high school tummy aches. She thinks, mind you, she ain't a doctor, it's ulcer. Eeks! Ulcer? I had a college friend who was so skinny and had ulcers. She would always have this sachet thing with milk-looking liquid (must have been something like an antacid) which she gulps when her ulcers attack. Then we'd often bring her to the clinic because she becomes pale with the pain. Eeks! Will I ever reach that stage? Or perhaps, am I in that stage?

I hope not.

So much for my alternative medicines because I'll be visiting my gastroenterologist already this Wednesday. My last with him was 2+ years ago when I had stress-related hyperacidity. Then I'll see him again, hoping that it's the same stress-related hyperacidity and nothing more. With my visit, surely he'll prescribe medicines. Yikes! More expenses. I'm scrimping already on my food and still struggle with my finances at times, and I have to pay for medicines. I guess I'll have to work double-time with my sideline.

[I never talked to you yet about my sideline. Maybe when there's something amusing for me to talk about it.]

So, you people who are reading this blog, please keep me in mind. Pray that it's nothing more than stress-related symptoms. Thanks guys!

Showing off my cheekbones

Skipping breakfast and dinner has taken its toll on me.

Living alone is quite a trouble when it comes to meals. You have problems eating breakfast and dinner on a regular basis. This is my case. I don't cook. If I do cook, I "cook" instant noodles or I fry whatever I can fry. So I only have the best of all unhealthy foods: monosodium glutamate and cholesterol. (Oily foods even aggravate the pains of hyperacidity!) It's really just stressful to worry about what you're going to eat for lunch.

I've been living alone since March last year which makes it a total of 10 months of almost little or no breakfast and dinner. I have grown thin and I was the envy of my friends and relatives. My health-conscious cousin even commented to me: "Tricia, I didn't realize that you had cheekbones!" It sounded a little bit sarcastic but if you knew my cousin, it was even a compliment. Oh well, that's because of living alone. Hyperacidity, on the other hand, is also because of living alone.

I started to have some bouts of hyperacidity last month just before we went up to Baguio. I ignored it and dismissed it as simple "funny tummies". (Imagine, I'm still in denial!) It disappeared after a week and a half. Now, just barely a month, I am experiencing "funny tummies" again. I guess I can't ignore this one anymore. I have to admit that I may be having hyperacidity which may lead to ulcer! (No, I haven't been diagnosed by a gastroenterologist.)

Medicines?

Nah. I'm over taking medicines. If I can find alternatives I would. Tea is a good alternative and healthy foods. I'd probably just slowly break-in some food into my tummy. Bring crackers (tell me how I can make crackers more appetizing, please!) for me to munch during the day. I guess, para presumir, hay que sufrir. If I want to look good and healthily good, I have make that sacrifice of eating hard, tasteless, and dry bread. So much for the discovery of my cheekbones!

Can't understand Kant?

It's actually just simple.

Immanuel Kant is one of the positivists (remember your Philosophy classes?). And who are the positivists? The positivists are philosophers or people who believe that what you see is what you get, and that only what science can find out is true. There is no such thing as a God. Pretty radical huh?

Anyway, if there was anything good that we can draw out from one of his crazy theories, it's his thesis <-> anti-thesis => synthesis. This formula is also know as dialectics. Marx later on applied this formula to his economic theory of communinsm. His thesis was the rich, his anti-thesis was the poor, and his synthesis is the new class. This is what he called Dialectical Materialism or commonly known as the class struggle theory. See how radical Kant's ideas are? What good can come out of this?! There is somewhat some good. A friend used it once to serve as an analogy for love, and I thought, "I think it's just simply perfect." True, our partner in life should complete us. To complete us means that they have something we don't. We are imperfect beings, right? Then there are things that you are lacking, but you can find in the other person. So in effect, if you combine - synthesize - all your good aspects, you become one perfect being. :-)

It's not unusual that a couple would seem to be like total opposites. I guess, according to Kant, it might work better that way.

Reviving Old Friends

I had an "anonymous" visitor (and my first commentor!) on my blogspot last night. She commented on my "Cold Turkey" entry where I talked about my issues about having best friends. It is kind of nice to have someone else second my feelings. I was a bit assured.

So how are we now?

My best friend, let's call her "Martha," visited me a few days ago here at my flat. I don't know how the conversation started but we just started reminiscing of how it was in the old days. We were trying to recall how this "friendship" started to develop between us and did we find an answer? Not really. It's either you make friends with people or friendships just simply develop. Certainly, our case was the second. I didn't intend to be friends with her. It just simply happened because circumstances allowed a friendship to develop. We stayed in the same dorm, we were roommates, we would ask each other favors, when she would feel sick (and she can get really sick!!!), it happens that I'm the only one around who can tend to her, and many other circumstances.

We enjoyed that talk. That conversation also helped me rekindle that old flame that originally was there between us. I'm starting to be thankful to God again for having the opportunity to get to know her. I am actually very privileged to have her as a friend. I'm sure, a lot of people (her classmates in law school, for example) would just die to be friends with her (she comes from a semi-prominent family and is very intelligent). I am already her friend and I didn't even cherish it. Now, I'm cherishing it.

Epilogue.

One of my bosses in the Foundation I work for is a common friend of my best friend and I. She asked me once, "Are you and Martha, best friends?" I could only laugh when I heard her ask me that question. I just told her, "What a childish question! It's something that you'll only find in slum books." So we both laughed.

My Boys

If there were any boys I could call my own, these are
the boys of my life!

Not that I'm a cradle snatcher, I don't even fall for
these boys. These are my highschool student volunteers
from St. Michael Institute in Bacoor, Cavite who are
willing to devote an hour on Fridays and their
Saturday mornings to teach Catechism to public school
children and be trained to be effective Catechists.

One of my observations: the boys are more constant
attendees than our girl volunteers. This fact amazes
me! Are men really more service-oriented than women?
Of course not in my case and in my other firend's
cases. But I guess, there is hope for the men after
all.

We do have one problem with these boys. We need to
look for their "Kuya" to handle them. We have
activities separate with the girls since we wanted to
give the boys the right inputs they need and the girls
their own.

Are you willing to be their Kuya? :-)

Celebrating my birthday on a New Year

Yes, I was born on New Year's day. My mom had labor pains at 10pm, was brought to the hospital, encountering her OB-GYN and anaesthesiologist partying and the latter bordering drunkenness and sobriety. My mom had CS and I came out around 2am. Well, so much for being a 12:00mn baby, but 2:00am ain't that bad.

I hated my birthday. It was quite emotional for me that everybody is celebrating with fireworks, and at the strike of 12mn, everybody shouts "Happy New Year!" and then goes, "Happy Birthday!" I never failed to shed tears when they greet me Happy Birthday...even until now. Yeah, yeah, I'm a crybaby. But I hardly show them I cry. I don't like other people seeing my teary-eyed whatever occasion.

However,

As soon as I practised my Catholic Faith, I realized a great deal about my birthday and how lucky I am to have my birthday on a January 1. I never bothered to figure out why January 1 was a holy day of obligation until I learned that it was because it is the Solemnity of the Motherhood of Mary. WOW! How lucky can I get to be born on that kind of feast! What else can I ask for? (Maybe to die on one of her feast days.) I am lucky to have been born under her "mantle". I would love to think that she preferred that I was born under her feast so that I realize that she is also my mother.

Since that realization, I try to make sure that I make a pilgrimage to a Church or Shrine dedicated to Mama Mary (I particularly love the Immaculate Conception Churches). On my way to Church, I pray a part of the Holy Rosary. Inside the Church, before an image of our Lady, I pray the whole Holy Rosary for the day. On my way home, I pray another part of the Holy Rosary.

Anyone, who wants to go with me on my next birthday? You're welcome. :-)

Baguio!

Went to Baguio with my whole family last December 27-29, 2004. It must have been my first since 2000. I was not really fond of going to Baguio. I hate long drives. Anyway, I gave my family a chance and so I agreed. Whoa! I didn't imagine how great The Manor Hotel was until I saw it myself!

Anyway, we went to Baguio not worrying about the recent outbreak "Meningococcemia". Not one of us were worried about getting infected. Personally, I didn't even know that the bacteria thrives in the wet market. Not that we were aware that it's contained there in the market, we just simply didn't want to go to the local wet market! Sheesh! We were saved (perhaps) by our own "sophistication" and ignorance.



On the second night, we had to leave The Manor because they didn't have any more free rooms to lend us. (We were chance clients.) I called for a booking in El Cielito Inn (NOT a hotel, just an inn). I work for the Foundation of El Cielito. So I guess I felt a bit proud to be able to stay in one of OUR "hotels." Perhaps I expected too much about the condition of El Cielito rooms and apartelles that I got "shocked" moving from a Five Star Manor Hotel to a... simple hotel. It was like living in Forbes and transferred to Camella Homes. Anyway, that's what I get staying in a more posh hotel before an inn.

Nevertheless, El Cielito is well-kept in its own league.