Lonesome tonight

Gosh!

I never felt so lonely ever! My best friend just left for a one-week retreat in Lipa who does not intend to reply to my texts at all during her whole retreat because she wants to do it "well". How the heck does one do a retreat well?! Well (hehe), by really talking to God alone without the usual distraction of the hustle and bustle of the city. She is in a different kind of retreat... Different doesn't necessarily mean that it is not how things should be done. Different because the way the Retreat is done is not how we know retreats when we were in high school: a lot of opening out to others, passing the candle, singing, activities, etc. This retreat is probably what you can call the original retreat as how it was first conceived: quiet, no talking to one another (at least avoid!), listening to what God has to say to you through the priest-retreat master, and just simply talking to God about how evil and good you were to Him and figuring out how you can improve yourself so that you treat Him less badly.

Anyway, I'm also lonely because I am alone where I stay. I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't normally go out for the heck of going out. (I can't really afford to go out every night!) If I want to talk to anybody, I always log on the internet (like now) and see who I can catch on YM. Oh well, no one is there save for two people who I am not interested in talking to because I am not close to them.

Why don't you call your friends?

I am not the type who'd call for no reason at all, just because I am lonely. Phone calls are different from IM. On the phone, you really can't keep the other phone on the line without saying a word. In IM, you can just "converse" without the pressure of answering immediately. So I only call when it's related to work or if there's really a topic to talk about. For trivial and frivolous things, IM is enough. No lull.

BUT!

Though I may be lonely, I am not depressed. I can be lonely but satisfied. Being alone is something (let's get philosophical here) accidental (not essential for survival). Oxygen is essential. Water is essential. Food is essential. Being with someone? Not essential but definitely helpful. We need silence. We need time to reflect on how our day went. We need time to be alone without any outside influences as we make major decisions of our lives. (Of course, after we have gotten all the necessary pros and cons of our predicament.)

S-I-L-E-N-T => L-I-S-T-E-N

Only when we are SILENT, that we are able to LISTEN.