Not that I suddenly turned cold turkey because I got scared or anything.
I just realized I am so cold to that friend of mine "I almost lost". Remember my previous blog about my friend? Well, we already reconciled and with what difficulty! It wasn't a happy reconciliation I should say. I have to admit that it was quite half-hearted on my part because I gave in to her conditions of being a "true friend" which is to be there whenever she would want to be with me or need me, regardless of where I was. I don't want a friend like that. You mean sacrificing my job just to see her before she goes to her retreat? As if she were not going to return...
Writing this helped me realize something.
How selfish perhaps I can be to my friend! Why don't I want a friend like that? Maybe because I am not willing to sacrifice for a friend. But common knowledge is that we should be willing to sacrifice for a friend, right? Definitely, she's a friend. We've been through rough times together and she was there during my rough times. She was there. I owe for being there. Situation's different then.
My circumstances have changed.
Our circumstances weren't as they were before. They have surely changed. There's more demand from each other's time now since we're "farther" from each other. But I guess it's getting pretty annoying on my part. I don't have the same "longing" to be near her or do things together all the time. Not because I have found new friends to "replace" her... I believe I have learned to live on my own, not being dependent on other people too much. I have been quite "autonomous" in this world that I have forgotten how to live with other people I used to "live with" (Please, nothing malicious here!)
So what now?
Well, I just have to learn how to be warmer to my old friend again. I must've gotten too familiar with her that she always misunderstands my coldness as something that tells her: "STAY AWAY FROM ME". Sorry I can't help it! Well, I have to change because she won't do it for me. The burden of proof is on me. And I am challenged by it.
Don't be overly familiar with your friends!
2 comments:
katuwa ka tlga. :) this is a very honest entry.. and i can totally relate to it. college days po, i also had a bestfriend na ksama ko tlaga ALWAYS.. then i had to leave the dorm, etc.. and she was REALLY asking me to stay,, but things DO change.. things HAVE TO change.. as human, we have to grow.
Thanks for your insight. Kind of assuring to hear someone who can relate to my experiences. Haha! Anyway, bakit ka naman nag-Anonymous? Biway? Kaw ba yan? :)
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