Airing out a Frustration with Smart

Pardon if I have not been replying to your texts or returning your phone calls because my SIM is still blocked ever since last Friday.

I thought I lost my phone so I asked Smart to bar all outgoing phone calls from my SIM. Boy! Was I impressed with the quickness they granted my request! The next day (Friday), I was able to retrieve my phone because a kind-hearted soul surrendered my lost phone to the authorities of an establishment. Was I relieved! So I immediately faxed a letter of request (as instructed by the Smart customer representative) to the number they gave me. I faxed once, twice and thrice on the same day because I was having problems faxing page 2 (the photocopy of a valid ID). Anyway, I tried to follow-up in the evening and the rep said to wait for feedback within 24 hours. I did not get feedback.

Saturday, I was just too busy to address my problem.

Sunday came, and still I have not received any acknowledgment of receipt of my fax. I called again and the person said she'll follow-up and told me to wait for another 24 hours to wait for the reply. A text came in after two hours saying that they never received any fax from me!

I knew there was something wrong in the faxing.

So I asked her what other ways I can send my letter of request to unbar the outgoing calls. She said to email. She gave me an email address. I scanned the letter of request and the ID, emailed it to the address she gave. I was quite confident it went through so I logged out my email. Hoping that within 24 hours I will have my phone working already, I didn't follow-up. But Monday came and still no reply. I already followed it up again, and to my frustration, they have not received my email! I tried to email the same letter again and only now that I realize that the mail bounced back to me! So they were really not receiving my emails! I tried faxing the letter again Monday three more times. Still waiting patiently, I was hoping that in 24 hours, I will have my phone working. But no, Tuesday came and still no confirmation. Another follow-up is done and they said they NEVER received any fax from me.

For the nth time, a follow-up is done and the customer rep said that she is already exasperated that they are not getting anything from me. I wonder who's more frustrated. And she finally said that I can do my request by visiting a Smart Wireless Center. [Pulling my hair.] Imagine how I would have felt if I knew that a Smart Wireless Center is just 10 minutes away from my home? But too late they said that, it's already evening.

How frustrating can it get when in 5 days, you are not returning important phone calls, and replying to texts! i do have Chikka access, but how could I do that without a computer?

So guys, until now, my phone is barred from making outgoing calls and sending SMS. Pardon me, and pardon the lousy service of Smart.

REALIZATION: Cellphones are important in official matters. Oh, the timing! Just when there is so much coordination to be done!

Angsty Teacher

Teachers can be angsty too.

I just came from a small get-together with my MA friends yesterday somewhere in Ortigas. We were there planning for a friend's wedding, choosing flowers, conceptualizing, and squeezing our not-so-creative brains for a great theme. Of course, my "new" outspoken me could not help my mouth from blaring out some "candid" comments as were planning. A friend commented something to this effect, "Hey! What's up with you? Ang taray mo ngayon ah."

Reflective me, of course it hinted on the fact that I wasn't mataray before. True, some of my college friends would always tell me how mild-mannered I was, but as years passed, as my experience grows, and as I get to know people I never thought existed in real life "You trying hard copy cat!" (Splashes wine on the face of the "copy cat"), I adapt to my environment and start growing my horns and start locking them with other people's horns. In my friend's word, "Angsty."

Angst was only specific to teenagers, I thought. But maybe I'm acting like a teenager -- again! I already forgot how it is to be mild-mannerd. Hmmmm... I guess I need to do more reflection, and talking to an objective reference.

April 24, Universal Studios and a Boyfriend

Great. My cousin gave us several coupons for a free pass to Universal Studios. There was only one problem: It was not transferrable. But as cheapskate Filipinos - or to be politically correct, as Filipinos trying to be smart - we nevertheless tried our luck. We had crazy ideas like to ask my cousin-in-law Aldo to represent himself as "Ed Halili". Anyway, we got to the booth, and thank God, the only condition is that anyone of us who has Halili as a last name (or middle name for that matter) can avail of the coupon. Good thing my cousin Cynthia brought her Philippine driver's license that shows Halili on it. :) Instead of paying f$44 for my ticket, I got to save that and I could buy anything worth that much now for shopping spree tomorrow. Haha!

What I liked about Universal. I got to see the stage in which they tape CSI Las Vegas: Stage 25. No, I didn't go inside. I just got to see the outside and the words "Stage 25" on the walls. That's the closest I can get I guess, but funny how I still felt like I actually saw them live. Heehee. I also liked the Shrek 4-D. Great show. It was funny. When Donkey sneezes, you actually feel a sprinkle of water splash on to your face. And when Lord Farquaad's ghost appears, you could feel cold breeze pass through your hair (or your nape, depending on your height). It was quite cool. The crew in Universal are really funny people. Not too funny, but they just like to kid around. For example, before we started the Shrek show, the voice over announcer was telling us to make sure we put on our seatbelt and that we could find it on the right side of our seats, and as we were just trying to look for it, he suddenly says, "just kidding"! I like the Jurassic Park ride and the show on different visual efffects. It was quite educational. :)

Lunch was also an issue. Imagine paying for hotdog and chips for $6.99? Or just a chili dog for the same price? You're going to go hungry inside if you're saving! That reminds me, we brought our own chips and water jugs for Universal. The water jugs were no problem, but the chips were. The security told us we can't bring big bag chips, but only small ones, so we decided to eat part of the chips before we enter so we can bring them in, and throw half of them into the trash. Embarrassing, but hey, I won't buy small bag chips for $2.99 each!

So we finished and went home early enough not to catch the rush hour traffic. I slept through the whole ride home because I was so tired.

Other things worth mentioning is tonight's blackout. What are the chances that there is a blackout when we are here, and while I was enjoying watching the latest CSI: Miami?!

Well, here I am working on my laptop on battery. Gotta sleep now.

April 23, Flight to LAX and Bladder Problems

Imagine, I only double-checked my scheduled departure for Los Angeles the night before I was going to leave, and I already told the driver that we're leaving at 4am. Anyway, I tried to be calm at my own mistake, and patiently waited. The driver came and we sped off to the airport. Mom was with me to see me off the airport. Boy, what a long line to the check-in counter to think that I was only 2 1/2 hours prior to my scheduled departure! As I lined up, a Northwest attendant approached me to ask if I was willing to be bumped off and get paid $740 NW voucher. I immediately declined. I hate changing my schedule going there but I would be willing if it were going home. :)

To make the long story short, I got to the check-in counter. When the NW personnel asked what my address was at my first stop and I didn't know! I said that I only know the city and state. So I wrote "Los Angeles, California", which I now realize is still wrong because it is actually Sta. Clarita, CA. Then he asked me if I already tried the Business Class, and I said "How I wish!" Then he continued sticking the labels on my check-in baggage, and as soon as he finished he handed me my boarding passes and told me that I was upgraded to Business Class for my Manila-Nagoya trip. I couldn't believe it at first, and at least I have 3 hours to stay and get to know the "Business Class". So I proceeded to Gate 11, and conveniently arrived just in time for boarding.

Boy, was I like a child playing in Business Class! I made sure I did everything I could to enjoy the privilege of being upgraded for free and without deducting mileage plus points. Hehe. I took advantage too much I took a complimentary bag of toothbrush and toothpaste from the lavatory. Cheapskate! :) After riding the Business Class, Economy felt and looked so cheap. Some marketing tactic! There is definitely a big difference between Business and Economy, and the most important is: getting out of your seat to go to the lavatory without disturbing your seatmate! There were three times that I had to go to the lavatory, but decided not to because I didn't want to bother my seatmates since I sat by the window. I hope my bladder is still okay.

I had a stop at Narita, when I felt really hungry. The only thing I could afford was a pork bun (siopao) which probably had more onions and ginger than meat! I only finished half of it and I gave up.

I arrived at LAX earlier than expected. We had to wait for another 5 minutes before we could deplane because the customs said so. Haha. They probably had to still settle into their seats since we arrived earlier. Line to the Immigration Officers were long. Since I passed by the washroom first, I was almost at the end of the line. Good thing, there was a Filipino personnel instructing NW2 passengers form a new line after all the U.S. citizens were already done with their passports. So again, I was "upgraded". Funny, another immigration officer was explaining to the ones left behind in the long line why we were given "special" treatment. He said, "We asked the Northwest passengers to form new lines because they take more time during the interview." I was a bit offended by that comment because I thought it was insulting. But nevertheless, we still finished ahead of them. The officer gave me six months despite my having a return ticket on May 19. Great!

Customs was not a problem for me too maybe because my box is a third the normal size of a balikbayan box, and my suitcase was rather small. I breezed through the whole ordeal in just an hour. Not bad, not bad at all. And boy is it cold here in LA!

Holy Week and Vacation

Just watched an episode of Youth Speak on Studio 23, and their topic was about how to spend the Holy Week. Here are some thoughts I remember from the episode: "I'd like to spend my Holy Week on vacation because the rest of the year I have already been suffering and I deserve a break." "Shouldn't we be doing daily sacrifices and prayer, and not just do it during Holy Week?"

You find anything wrong in what they said? I do. The first one: The person who said that does not really know what Holy Week is all about for Catholics. But I don't blame him for not knowing. Not a lot of people evangelize these days. Maybe he didn't get a good Religion teacher when he was young. The Church commemorates the Holy Week as a special time of the year when we reflect on the basic truths of our faith, things that we don't normally reflect on during the rest of the year. The Church has organized its calendar in such a way that it facilitates its followers to focus on the basic truths of the faith throughout the year. As in during Christmas, we reflect on the Incarnation of the Son of God - gratitude for his self-giving. Then we have May and October to reflect on the important role of Mary in our Salvation. We have other feasts like Sacred Heart, Immaculate Heart, Immaculate Conception, St. Joseph, Assumption, Ascension, Pentecost, etc. As for having suffered during the rest of the year because of work, it's not like everyone has a choice. Work is indeed hard and one must suffer a lot working hard if we want to earn money. Holy Week is a time to reflect and not necessarily a time of doing extraordinary sacrifices. What the Catholic Church only demands is the fasting and abstinence on Good Friday. Other than that, the Church did not say not to listen to the radio or watch TV. As for going on vacation with your family, there is no problem with that as long as you go to Mass, observe the basic fasting and abstinence on Good Friday, and sobriety on Black Saturday. Can you imagine bingeing and partying the night of Good Friday? I can't. While Mother Mary stands sorrowful at the foot of the cross, I am partying at home? Yikes! Don't I have a conscience?

For the second one: Yes, it is true that we ought to do daily sacrifices and prayers (I wonder if the person who said that actually does it), but the Holy Week - like what I said - is special. If you are not required to do extra hard sacrifices during the rest of the year, during Holy Week, you are asked to do sacrifices which you don't like doing. Do you like to eat just fish on Good Friday? I'm sure you don't. I see a lot of people eat meat on Lenten Fridays. See the wisdom of the Church? They know what the people like.

The Catholic Church is one big tradition. Are you going to be one of those who will destroy the tradition? Will you go on partying on the night of Good Friday? Will you party on Black Saturday? Will you eat your heart out on Good Friday? Will you be one of the bogus New Agers? Will you just choose what aspects of the Catholic Faith you find fitting your lifestyle or will you fit yours to how God has wanted us to live our lives through the Church?

A 2.0 Grading for Service

The Upper Grades faculty was in chaos. It was 15 minutes before we needed to board the bus for our faculty outing in Batangas when we were required to sign our coordinators' evaluation of us.

As I read consecutive ratings of 2.0 in my evaluation form, I was dumbfounded. I immediately thought I don't deserve such a rating, but being my submissive self, I signed without questioning them, accepting their opinion of me. I definitely do not agree that I performed below average in the points of service, and rapport with students and teachers. If I performed below average, then why keep me? Why do they want to keep a teacher who is performing in "mediocrity"?

After all the good things that they tell me about how open-minded I am, and how I can be voted to be the next Faculty Club president, then seeing those grades, I screamed interiorly.

I think it was unfair, subjective, and uncharitable. Was it their last hoorah since they would not be my coordinators anymore next school year? Are they threatened with how much better we are than they? Are they insecure of our capacity to do better? Rumor has it that the batch of Upper Grades teachers are the best compared to the other levels, then why give us such a below average grade? After what our principal said about not being wrong in hiring us because we are so creative and innovative, how can we now accept such a rating?

We need clarification. We need dialogue. We want peace, not war. We want a dialogue because we want peace. We do not want to harm any relations. May they accept our pleas with an open mind as well.

"Maling Akala"

I didn't know we had such a television show.

Last night, it featured local television personalities and they were made to look despicable. One actor was made up to look like having blisters all over his face and legs. He tried to enter a parlor and asked if he could be given foot spa. They declined him. He asked one of the customers if he could borrow her phone to text someone, and later on begged to use it for a phone call. She willingly obliged. When the actor revealed his true identity, the people who declined him felt ashamed, and the actor warmly thanked the girl who let him use her phone. She was honest enough to say that she didn't want to lend him at first because she was grossed out, but later pitied him and lent him in the end.

Another actress was made up to look like a really poor woman with a hair lip. Her mission was to get a free ride to Aurora Boulevard. After 628 cars that passed, she finally got a ride. A Christian woman stopped and gave her a ride. When they reached her stop, she revealed her identity to them in tears. The actress was so moved that someone would be willing to give an ugly and despicable woman a ride. The driver of the car was moved herself. She was glad she helped. She said it is what Christian people ought to do.

This whole ordeal is called empathy: The art of learning first hand.

"We see the fruits, but...

...we don't see the seed that died and fell on the ground."

That was the refrain in priest's homily today. He talked about how superficial we look at events. In the Philippines, March is the month of graduation for most schools. He talked about the graduation he attended. He mused over some his impressions that most of the time, we see the flowers being handed to the newly graduates, the medals, the diplomas, the togas, their nice formal dresses, but we don't see behind them... we don't know what's behind in each of those graduates.

Behind each graduate, their teachers are there: They run after them for their requirements, cry over their stubbornness, smile at their successes, work hard to find ways to make them learn calculus more easily and perhaps develop an interest in it.

Behind some graduates, their parents sacrifice comfortable living to give them good education, sick parents who force themselves to attend their son's graduation, a mother who works in another country simply watching her son give his valedictory address via the webcam, mother and father who only got together because their daughter graduated.

Behind a graduate, he had to beg their principal to revoke his punishment not to march on stage because he didn't want to make his parents feel even worse being a constant troublemaker that he is.

Behind every fruit, is a seed that had died in order to grow into a beautiful fruit-bearing tree. Many sacrifices have been delivered before we can appreciate the fruit: as sweet and colorful as they can be.

To appreciate effort takes effort.

Entrepreneurial Management Course: For Men Only

I've always wondered why the EM course in UA&P is only for men. EM faculty would tell me that it's because men have less entrepreneurial "common" sense than women. Women, they say, are more entrepreneurial. Just take for example female public school teachers who are rumored to be selling tocino, longganisa, and insurance on the side. The wives of OFWs invest their husband's money to put up a small sari-sari store to keep them busy and to give them the impression that they are working and earning.

The examples I gave are all second hand information. After 28 years of living, I finally could say that I have witnessed or am witnessing myself this phenomenon that businesses are not innate in the male species: my brother-in-law. Due to his lack of interest in 8 to 5 jobs (a.k.a. office jobs), he ventured into professionalizing watching movies, reading T3 magazines, and making pa-cute. Afterwards, he finally dived into the world of investment and business. Mind you, he is newly-married to my much loved sister. What does a husband who never had a decent job (while my sister does all the 8 to 5 jobs she could find in New York and here) have financially? His father who is married to an executive working at the heart of the central business district. In short, nothing. That said, he dreams of putting up his dream photocopying and printing business, which according to my father requires around P2M for initial investment.

From a personal point of view, why would he want to put a printing business when apparently there is no need in the area? The offices in Laguna Technopark would surely have their own photocopying machines that they don't need to outsource their printing needs. What the people in our new-born city needs is the tingi: photocopy bio data, birth certificates, etc. Before his "business" would pick up, it would take a lot of money for marketing, and networking. Does he have the drive or diligence to do that? I don't know. So when is he going to get his return on investment? Five years? Two years if he's lucky? The only earnings they have as a couple to spend for their food, laundry, and utilities are from my sister's 8 to 5 job.

Just some common sense: for starting middle-class families, the best is still to have 8 to 5 jobs. When you have enough savings, that's the best time to start a business.

EM is indeed for men only.

Providence and Impatience

I don't know if it's really providence or impatience that my sister with her husband has finally moved back into their house after a two and a half month squat in my parents' house. First, about providence. I've been complaining about how my brother-in-law has been disrespectful to me (to think that I'm older than him by a good 2 years, and to think that men mature more slowly than women), and how he just leaves his dirty clothes and shoes in front of the common use television set. I have been complaining about how I cannot move freely inside my house (I'm still not maried) because my brother-in-law would be watching TV the whole day intermittently napping. [You must know that I don't get along with my brother-in-law.] I have been complaining about how he had quit his job, forcing my sister to work harder to earn for the both of them, and now dreaming about putting up his own business [which means shelling out money for investment].

What's your opinion? Impractical eh? So I told my friend about the situation and she said she'll pray for my intention that they leave the house and live on their own so that the husband will be forced to earn for extra money. Come last Sautrday, March 11. My brother-in-law used my internet cable without permission. I told my sister about it. She asked permission from me for her husband saying that he needed it to fix his dad's computer. Due to my impatience, I burst out complaining to my sister how irresponsible of him not to have finished fixing his dad's computer in his dad's house! I wasn't normally home on Saturday afternoons but I decided to go home that day. That irked my sister, and decided to bitterly leave the house because she felt like I was shooing them away already.

Providence. March 11 was the birthday of Don Alvaro to whom my friend prays to for my intention. Was it meant to be that they leave on his birthday? Was it also meant to be that I had become impatient and that they had to leave bitterly? I reflected and realized that perhaps, it was meant to be because they might not live in their house anymore if no one complained to them. It was perhaps already the right time for them to go. All these may be right, but there is now sibling rivalry. I texted and apologized but she does not reply. This story is unfinished, and will only be finished as soon as my sister forgives me for being impatient, and when she realizes that yes, it was already the time for them to leave.

Just Doing What I Have to Do

Just last Friday, I gave in to my pride. My colleagues were teasing another colleague about being promoted. My horns started to creep out that instant, thinking that she does not deserve to be promoted because she is like this and like that. Of course, behind all those criticisms is my conceit to think that I ought to be the one to be promoted since I am an obedient employee. Call me self-righteous! As thoughts of last Friday sink in to my head, I realized that I don't need to be promoted. I reached this realization because I remembered that I should keep my eyes on heaven and my feet on the ground by doing the things that I know I ought to do.

No matter how qualified I think I may be for a promotion, I don't have the right to demand for a position. If my superioirs do not notice my accomplishments, then so be it. They don't know me. They probably have not seen my resumé. It all boils down to my negligence and for not showing them what I can do.

Yes, that colleague of mine is indeed a very good and knowledgeable teacher. She does make good decisions. And with these, I salute her.

It's Lent Again

It's Lenten Season once again and it's the same story. I remember reacting to last year's observance and I feel like I'm having a deja vú. I went to our newly opened SM City Sta. Rosa yesterday, Ash Wednesday. For us Catholics, Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Lenten Season characterized to encourage Catholics to sacrifice in preparation of the coming of the "groom". On Ash Wednesday and on Fridays of Lent, we are asked to offer a simple sacrifice of eating only fish and other seafoods. What is difficult in following this routine every Friday in the Lenten season? I saw people eating at KFC (I doubt they ate there to order just salad) and lining up at Tokyo Tokyo (I hope they were going to order Ebi Tempura or Ika Fry). I struggled not to look at anymore restaurants because I didn't want to criticize the ignorance and stubbornness of Filipinos.

I recall one time in Church when I reminded my "pew mate" that she ate a piece of candy during mass and that she should observe the one hour Eucharistic Fast (you don't eat one hour before you receive communion to keep your system clean of any other matter to give reverence to Jesus' body and blood). She only reacted, "Ay! Uso pa ba yon?" The person reacted this way maybe because she sees people who do eat during mass and still receive communion. They learn through observance.

Most Filipinos are blind Catholics. The Catholics in the Philippines lack basic Catechism from the poor to the elite. Their basic Catholic education is only based on their observance from their own parents. Yes, we do have Religion classes in schools, but they are not reinforced at home so what the students learn do not make sense when they go home because the parents do not practice them. Very few Filipino Catholics practice their faith using their brains.

A Challenge: Would you like to lessen the blind Catholics in the Philippines by learning basic catechism?

The Role of Media

State of Emergency. The President just had to do it. Watching local news has become a trigger for my hypertension since I have reached my personal renaissance. The last time I perfectly recall religiously watching local news was when I was in highschool, and never again had I the time to switch to local channels. It is quite frustrating how the MASS MEDIA (loosely translated as "media para sa masa") has already "innovated" and completely changed its mission and vision to "give what the people like to see and hear." Isn't the "code" of the media TRUTH? Local news tend to hype up the real state of the country. There are just too many reasons for us to hate our country that we don't need the media to give us ideas. What the media can do now is to help unite the people. This is the real power of the MEDIA. I don't remember where I read this -- I think Pope John Paul II mentioned this -- but the media has the power to unite or disunite the people. How I wish the media can use their power to unite the country towards a more pressing need that is our economic dvelopment! Why can't we be like South Korea? What was key to their success is their love for the country. Their president told them to love their country, and they followed him. What could be wrong in what their president said?

How else can we properly show our love for the country? By rallying along the streets, leaving our jobs, destroying the government (the point of unity), and abandoning our family?

I dream that the Philippines rise up from its ashes like the Phoenix. I hope and pray that this happens; with hope, I'm sure it can.

Jewel in the Palace

I am not crazy for telenovelas and moreso of Koreanovelas until I accidentally bumped into Jang Geum, the lead character in Jewel in the Palace. I originally bought it as a gift for my mother's birthday since she's crazy over these things. She already started watching it, when at the same time, at work, my colleagues talk about the "cooking competition" in the said show. When I went home that day, I caught my mom watching the 10th episode and I decided to sit down and watch with her out of curiousity. It was 7:00 pm then. Mom gave me a brief background of the story and I immediately got hooked on it. I promised myself that I'd sleep at 10, but I found myself watching until 1:00 am!

What attracted me to it was the good-natured and mild-mannered Jang Geum. Virtues are indeed attractive. Man's natural attraction to what is true, good and beautiful comes out when watching Dae Jang Geum (The Great Jang Geum - The original Korean title). She embodies a woman of refinement, grace, perseverance, justice, loyalty, fidelity, sincerity, professional ethics, unselfishness, child-like attitude, and reflection. In the beginning, she aspired for the top position, but it did not do her good. Through her mentor/foster mother, she learns to work not for the position but for the sincere purpose of her job: to cook in order to keep the people she feeds healthy. She applies the same princple when after being banished from the palace, she returns as a doctor. Though she had revenge in her heart, and was quite evident, what was noble was that she did not use her talents in order to hold power. She never used her talents and skills in order to do something evil.

(If Jang Geum were Catholic, she'd be a saint!)

What I also liked about the telenovela was that Jang Geum did not physically love Min jung Ho, the officer in the Palace. She struggled against her feelings. She did not throw herself all over Officer Min nor did Min. Their love developed through constant meetings, and from the viewer's point of view, I could see the sincerity in each other's love.

Jewel in the Palace is a telenovela that teaches values and virtues. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this telenovela to everyone. Just make sure that you don't neglect your more important duties just because of watching the shows. It wouldn't be Jang Geum-like.

CSI Reflections

Aside from entertainment, watching CSI makes its viewers reflect - at least in my case. My most recent reflection is on their 2nd episode of Season 6. I was wondering why the director chose to juxtapose two crimes scenes on one screen. At first I thought they used it to give the viewers some hint that these two cases were related - that is, one case is connected with the other. It was only at the end of the episode, thanks to good direction, that I realized why they had to put these two crime scenes side by side. The last scene of the episode shows the body of Julian Harper, a rich GQ model, was wheeled toward the camera feet first with the tag around the left toe, and the the body of Noi Dipraxay, a Laos native sweat shop worker, wheeled in in the same way beside Julian. When we die, rich or poor, we all are the same carcass. We are made of the same stuff, but the difference lies on how we live our lives as recorded in our incorruptible souls. Whether we question our soul's existence or where our souls go after we die is an existential question we ought to ask ourselves.

Confession

Humbling. Very humbling. The priest made me cry inside and almost shed a tear. I was glad that he humbled me because humbling myself is not enough.

I told him everything wrong I did with regard to my uncharitable dealings with my colleagues, and he scolded me. As I tried to defend myself, he would put me down. He shook me with realities that I have to face. He made me see the hypocrite inside me and that made me cry.

That was really an awakening moment. I didn't know what gave me the strength to make a public apology last night, but now I know who did: Our Lady. It's the 3rd day of the novena to the Immaculate Conception. I'm very convinced that as always, she is there for me to counsel me and at the same time pour onto me abounding grace to help me carry out what she counsels. She truly is the Mother of Good Counsel, and Mediatrix of Grace.

I hope I can sustain this consciousness of her presence so I can live through life peacefully and cheerfully.

My Public Apology

I just came out from a personal crisis of sorts when all the bad things just flashed before me that I suddenly felt my conscience bug me to apologize for all the wrong I've done. What follows is my public apology email I sent to all my colleagues:

---------------------------------

Perhaps some - if not all - will find what I am about to do foolish, stupid, insane, unnecessary, or inevitable. No matter what you think, I will do as what my conscience - yes, I do have one, and I believe that everybody does - dictates.

Through this email, I would like to apologize to all my colleagues whom I have hurt (I do have some inkling of who these people are, but I will keep it to myself) because of my lack of tact, my being imposing, and simply for my whole being:

I AM DEEPLY SORRY FOR ALL I HAVE DONE.

I know I am not a dollar bill that everybody would like, but I do want to achieve a certain level of civility and charity with my colleagues because, as what I tell my non-Lasallian friends, "I love it there in DLS-C because I have great colleagues." Of course, I cannot achieve the latter if I were uncharitable myself. This is precisely why I am making this apology. I am making this public because I am aware and very guilt-ridden of the fact that I have publicly hurt people, and also of the fact that stories about my misbehavior may have already run from the third floor to the basement, from West to East. In effect, everybody may already be aware of what I have done. (Pardon me here for an apparent case of paranoia.)

AGAIN, I AM SORRY.

I understand if you can't forgive me because I understand also the gravity of my actions, words, and being, and they may be unforgivable. I deserve such treatment.

I know that apologies are useless if there were no resolutions on the part of the penitent. So I also would like to assure you guys that I will try my best to be a good and charitable colleague. Let me know if I have been treating you badly.

Thanks for letting me do this. I hope things will be better after this. Advance Merry Christmas.

Sincerely,
Trish C.

--
Para presumir, hay que sufrir.

Para presumir, hay que sufrir.

Talk about the pains of looking good! Vanity is luxury. It hurts your precious time, patience, and pocket.

Being dealt with like a soccer ball ("Let's shampoo your hair, keep your head steady, let's wash your hair, let's go back to the chair, let's wash your hair, let's go back to the chair, let's blow dry your hair") is no luxury.

It was pretty annoying not to know what it takes to semi-rebond your hair. Just when you thought you are done with the whole process as triggered by a blowdry, you hold on to your bladder to realize that they still need to put more chemicals on your hair!

I thought it would never be over, but boy, am I relieved now that I know that it has ended! All that for beautiful hair (tochang-free) and only good for three months! (Have I told you yet how it costs?) That's what it takes, my friends. That's what it takes.

Taking this topic to a higher notch, it's pretty much the same with making our souls beautiful. It takes a lot of pains to keep our soul clean, healthy and beautiful. Now how does a soul look when beautiful? When our soul only sees the good things in others, and see the bad in ourselves. How do beautify our souls? Difficult. We need a lot of humility to admit that our soul is indeed quite dirty. It also takes a lot of humility to ask advice from the RIGHT people. When our soul has mortal sin (don't know what they are? Check this out: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/14004b.htm), our souls are ugly. So, we need to clean our souls of mortal sins and venial sins by going to the Sacrament of Confession. In confession, Jesus Christ, through his ministers - the priests - washes our sins away. "Whatever sins you forgive, they are forgiven" Jesus Christ tells his disciples.

And to go to Confession? Very difficult. First, it takes effort to research the confession schedule in our parish. If there's none, it's diffcult to look for other parishes who have confession schedules. If it's easy to find a Church with confession schedules, it's difficult for us to acknowledge that we have indeed committed a mortal sin.

So you guys might have thought how vain I am keeping such a motto. But actually it's more than physical vanity: it's spiritual vanity.

Waving My Hand for a Turn

After that Megamall incident, I have yet another Driving Horror Story to tell you.

I was driving home from Alabang after dropping off my voice teacher home and after taking-out some Yellow Cab pizza for family dinner. If you have tried driving along Zapote Road going toward SM Soputhmall, I would not need to recount to you the horrific traffic there. Just take it as it is: HORRIFIC. Good thing my teacher was with me so I had more reason to calm myself down. So I dropped her at her very cozy home in Tierra Nueva, and passed by Yellow Cab at the corner of the village. I thought waiting time for my order could be enough time to give for the traffic to ease a bit. I was wrong, and to add to that, it rained. Anyway, I had to go home and feed my family.

So I calmly drove. I thank God I reached the Toll Plaza area with the least hassle possible. But as I reached the Toll Plaza, there was a build up of cars due to a merging traffic. Road courtesy impels us to alternately give way to cars in a merging traffic. So I gave way to the car at my left calmly, and as I was about to take my turn at the merge, the car at my left aggressively accelerated to the car it was following! Hello?! Where is your courtesy?! So I, in my temper and in an effort to teach him a lesson, embarrassed myself (and hopefully embarrassed him, too), pull down my brand new Altis window, stretched out my arm to signal a turn, and looked at him straight in the eye. You're an Alabang boy and with no courtesy at all!

Sheesh. Didn't they attend the LTO seminar on Road Courtesy before they got their license? Even if they didn't attend, didn't they learn basic courtesy at home or in school?

What waste in education.

Drivers

Yes, driving. As in driving cars. I am a confessed cursing driver. I get easily impatient with uneducated drivers: jeepney drivers who drive as if they own the road, jeepney drivers who do not know how to use the side view mirrors to look if there are oncoming cars, bus drivers who don't care if there are oncoming cars (I think they become tunnel-visioned when they see potential passengers), and other drivers who do not use signal lights.

One of the highlights of my driving experience is when I was lining to park at Megamall Building A. It was a saturday afternoon and I think it was near a payday. I was diligently queuing with the other cars, and religiously following the "alternate" traffic they have always enforced when lining up to enter the building parking. I was about to take my turn, expecting that the "alternate" traffic scheme is being enforced, when a rusty-colored Kia Picanto cut me in front! I noticed the driver to be a bit fair-skinned, clean-cut hair, and even - I thought - good looking. I silently cursed at the driver and when I got a look at the sticker at the back of his car, I saw: "ATENEO SCIENCE AND ENGINEERING." Whoa! was the sticker shouting.

People according to their biases who either react in these ways: 1) "Oh my! Tsk, tsk, tsk" or 2) "Ahh...that's why."

Like what my mom told me, when we drive, we stop being educated. Now, are we going to let that initial reaction get the better of us, or make a difference?